You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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