So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
