Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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