When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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