worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
