The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
