Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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