Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
