Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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