Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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