After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
