so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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