hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
