Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
