This girl is more easily done than said...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize