The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize