i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
