i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize