I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
