I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
