apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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