you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
