I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
