1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize