I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
