So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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