Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
