I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
