I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
