He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize