walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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