If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just took my morning after pill in the library
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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