Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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