He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
