watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
