how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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