I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
