If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
