I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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