walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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