MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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