Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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