Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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