We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
