think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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