May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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