Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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