come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize