called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
