Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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