so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
