Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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