you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize