2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think i have herpe
just one?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
