just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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