This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What a dumb baby whore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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