i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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