Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
