I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
as a side note pls kill me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
