'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
