i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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