I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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