i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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