So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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