garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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