Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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