I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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