So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
