Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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